Trying to let go of something is just another fixation. Instead, come back to yourself.
Loneliness has to do with you and the perception of an ‘other’. Aloneness is simply divine solitude as Existence. There is only ever You.
If that sounds unpleasant or sad, then you have yet to experience it for yourself. Aloneness is powerfully beautiful and beautifully powerful. It is not the aloneness of a body, mind, or personality. It is the aloneness of indivisible Aliveness.
After a breakup, it may be tempting to analyze, criticize, or comfort yourself from the outside in. It is that very movement of mind that creates such suffering for you.
Love brings us into our hearts such that we live from within. There is depth, weightlessness, and a continual embrace. When we go through a breakup, we often feel disconnected. This is because we are jolted from the Heart of Being into the mind’s insecurity and the body’s anxiety.
Come back to yourself, be within yourself. Don’t seek what is pleasant and comforting. Be willing to sit with these feelings, these pains, without drawing any conclusions nor seeking any relief. Practicing tonglen will help you to realize how much space you have within to allow for pain and yet what an abundance of love and compassion you have to give.
Realizing that you have a wellspring of love within and recognizing that there is no form of suffering that you cannot digest is a life-changing insight. Instead of running from or ignoring the things that limit your peace and sense of self, you stay and you swallow them whole. Then you burp out the sweet nectarine perfume of compassion. Oorah.
Don’t take the dreams as a sign of failure or progress. Just let the dream mind do its thing. I had dreams about my ex for years after we broke up and I would wake up feeling downtrodden and lonely.
I would strongly recommend daily meditation and the book The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron.
This is a very important experience you are going through. Listen to the wisdom of this pain and to where it is drawing your attention. If you meet this challenge with resourcefulness, courage, and sincerity, you will set into motion a trajectory of healing that you forgot possible.
Namaste sis :) Much love.